Ethel Kennedy’s memorial attracts 3 presidents — and tales of an older era

President Joe Biden, who has long idolized Robert F. Kennedy and who served for decades in the Senate with Edward M. Kennedy, on Wednesday delivered an emotional eulogy for Ethel Kennedy.

He dabbed his eyes several times. He apologized for his emotions. His voice grew faint as he recounted the ways in which Ethel Kennedy, Robert’s widow, comforted him in times of grief, when he considered leaving public office and when his family was shattered.

“Like she did for the country, Ethel helped my family find a way forward with principle and purpose,” Biden said. “To the Kennedy family, the Biden family is here for you, as you’ve always been for us. You changed the life of my boys, you really did.”

Biden’s remarks were the culmination of nearly three hours in Washington’s Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle marking the life of Ethel Kennedy, who died last week at age 96. The memorial service brought together stars from decades of Democratic politics, with musical performances from Sting, Stevie Wonder and Kenny Chesney, as well as plenty of Washington intrigue.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Ethel Kennedy’s son, whose independent run for president divided the family and whose endorsement of Donald Trump has infuriated many within it, was among those in attendance. But while many of Ethel Kennedy’s children spoke during the service, RFK Jr. did not play any role.

Few figures could have attracted the political royalty that attended Wednesday’s event, a reminder of the dominant, glamorous role played by the Kennedys in a Washington gone by. Former House speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) sat just a few seats away from Biden, but the two did not appear to interact. Pelosi has recently said they have not spoken in months, after she played a catalytic role in pressing Biden to end his bid for reelection.

Biden was seated beside two of his predecessors, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton. “Mr. President. Mr. President. Mr. President,” Pelosi said from the stage, acknowledging the trio. “How perfect for Ethel to have three great presidents of the United States speak at her funeral.”

When Biden spoke later, he looked into the audience and recognized Obama and Clinton by name, before lumping Pelosi in with “other distinguished guests.”

The service focused on a matriarch who, speakers said, had a love of sailboats and a dining room table that could always fit one more, a lively spirit who poured her heart into both social causes and family charade games. Her children talked about “Mummy” leading them on ski trips, piling them into a convertible — and bringing them to Senate hearings or to the Department of Justice to visit their father at work.

Robert F. Kennedy, younger brother of President John F. Kennedy, served as attorney general in the Kennedy administration from 1961 through 1963, when JFK was assassinated. He was then elected to the Senate from New York, mounting his own presidential run in 1968 until he, too, was assassinated on June 5 of that year.

Kennedy and Biden are the only two Catholic presidents in American history, and that, as well as a shared history of tragedy, has bound their families together. Biden lost his first wife and infant daughter in a car crash in 1972 shortly after being elected to the Senate, and his son Beau died in 2015 of brain cancer.

At the memorial, Ethel’s grandchildren talked about her roguish sense of humor and her regular advice to seek forgiveness rather than permission. She imparted, in the words of one of her grandchildren, “the value of both manners and mischief.”

“She was a big dose in a small package,” Obama said, calling her “a spitfire” who had an “irrepressible spirit.” He recounted a touch football game in which she bit author George Plimpton in the ankle. He noted her menagerie of family pets that included dogs and cats as well as a hawk, an armadillo and a seal (“Not sure where they kept the seal,” Obama added).

“Her life was marked by more tragedy and heartbreak than most of us could bear,” Obama said. “And she would have been forgiven, I think, if at any point she had stepped away from public life or allowed bitterness to fester after all she and her family had been through. But that’s not what Ethel did, because that’s not who she was.”

Clinton initially said he was not sure he could add anything that had not already been said, but then he found a way: “I thought your mother was the cat’s meow,” he told Ethel’s children. “She would flirt with me in the most innocent ways.”

Clinton also noted that his wife Hillary Clinton once held the same Senate seat as Robert Kennedy, and that Ethel provided him with advice on being a senatorial spouse. “The good Lord knows, if anybody ever deserved a quality escort to the pearly gates, it’s you,” Clinton said.

Martin Luther King III, son of another murdered hero of the 1960s, spoke about the bond of tragedy he shared with Ethel.

“I remember when Mrs. Kennedy came to our home with Senator Kennedy in 1968, after my father was assassinated. That was the first time I remember meeting Mrs. Kennedy,” King said. “And just two months later, my mom went to the Kennedy home to express her condolences after the assassination of Senator Robert Kennedy.”

Joe Kennedy III, a former congressman and one of Ethel’s grandsons, recounted some of her life’s lessons: “Triscuits should be fried. Bacon goes with everything. If you want to get to 96, you should eat deviled eggs, fried chicken and clam chowder for lunch every day.”

He recalled that his grandmother ordered those at her table to keep their elbows off of it — “always” — but paid no mind to the three dogs beneath it.

Rory Kennedy, Ethel’s daughter who was born after Robert Kennedy’s death, spoke of the time she told her mother that she wanted to get arrested protesting apartheid as a teenager.

“Great,” her mother responded. “I’ll drive.”

Many of the speakers remarked that while Ethel’s early life was dedicated to assisting her husband’s political career, she found her own purpose after his assassination. “My father has been gone for 55 years. Mom’s work was not simply Daddy’s reflected glory, but a light that shone from deep within her. She let that light shine,” Kerry Kennedy said. “This legacy is hers.”

Biden was the last speaker, and one of the more poignant. The president, now 81, is in the twilight of a long political career, and at times, recently, he has grown more reflective.

Like many Democrats of his era, Biden traces his interest in politics to JFK, and there is a notable echo between the first Irish Catholic to occupy the Oval Office (Kennedy, the youngest president) and the second (Biden, the oldest).

When Biden first ran for Senate in 1972, his mother hosted “coffees” that were modeled on a Kennedy family technique, even bringing in an old Kennedy hand, Matt Reese, who had helped organize the events for the Kennedy family.

When Biden’s wife and daughter were killed in a car accident just weeks after his election, Ethel Kennedy was there, he said, offering him comfort. “She had no idea for a 29-year-old kid in that circumstance how much it meant,” the president reflected.

“She got me through a time I didn’t want to stick around. I wanted no part of being in the Congress and the Senate,” Biden said, recalling that in his grief he asked the governor of Delaware to look for a replacement to serve in the Senate. “But Teddy and Ethel Kennedy would hear none of it.”

Biden and Edward Kennedy worked for many decades together in the Senate, serving together on the Judiciary Committee, until Kennedy died of brain cancer in August 2009, just after Biden became vice president.

Shortly after he was elected president in 2020, Biden said, he got a handwritten letter from Ethel — “She had written that she took great comfort in knowing the country was in good hands,” he said — and not long after that, a Valentine’s Day card. It featured a picture of her and Biden, surrounded by flowers, with text that read, “I’m not Biden my time waiting for you, Valentine.”

Biden noted that during his time in the Oval Office he has displayed busts of Robert F. Kennedy and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who he called his two political idols. Toward the end of his remarks, Biden recounted how his son Beau died of glioblastoma, the same cancer that killed Ted Kennedy.

“Your mom was there then, too,” he said to Ethel’s children, his voice shaking. He paused for six seconds to gather himself. “I apologize,” he said finally. After recounting some of the lyrics to a favorite hymn “On Eagle’s Wings,” he concluded by saying, “May God bless Ethel Kennedy.”