Grief in the workplace: Four ways to help employees cope

By Chris Taylor

NEW YORK (Reuters) – Money and sex are obvious taboo topics in the American workplace. But here is one you might not have thought of: Grief.

If you ever lost someone close to you – a partner, a parent, a child – and returned to the office, you know how awkward things can get.

Just ask Deborah Kearns. The writer from Aurora, Colorado, lost a sister-in-law to pancreatic cancer a couple of years ago, and had helped take care of her in the months before she passed.

Kearns did get some unpaid time off, but her employer was unprepared to deal with most of the bereavement process.

“Companies are reluctant to have these open conversations,” says Kearns, who also lost her mother-in-law recently. “Think about all the elements that go into sudden loss: Care in their last days, funerals, settling final affairs. It can take months.”

Ironically, that represents an opportunity for employers – in terms of talent attraction, retention, productivity and loyalty.

In the New York Life Foundation’s latest “State of Grief Report,” 76% of people said bereavement benefits were important when deciding on a new job.

Meanwhile, 85% said they would be proud to work at an employer that was grief-supportive, and 71% were interested in taking grief support training to help colleagues through a loss.

Here are ways to help employees during the most traumatic moments in their lives.

OFFER BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

Employees have no federal protections ensuring them the right to take leave from work to cope with a loss, says Rebecca Soffer, author of “The Modern Loss Handbook”.

“First and foremost, employers can offer clear bereavement leave policies that would ideally include at least five paid days off,” Soffer says. “Bonus points for being able to take those days in a non-consecutive way, and whenever the employee feels they need them the most.”

Life insurer New York Life has gone further, changing its policy to allow up to 15 days’ paid bereavement leave, which can be taken as needed over a six-month period.

BE FLEXIBLE

A good manager will recognize the challenges of working while grieving and dial back expectations until the employee is feeling more like themselves again.

That might mean reducing workload on a temporary basis or adjusting deadlines. It might mean more remote work or delaying performance reviews.

“People need to be offered the time and flexibility to figure out where they’re going to live, transfer bank accounts or car titles, deal with medical bills that are suddenly their responsibility and find additional childcare support,” Soffer says. “All of this takes time and headspace to do.”

OFFER HELP PROACTIVELY 

Average burial costs in the U.S. range between $5,000-$10,000, says Heather Nesle, president of the New York Life Foundation. People often raid their retirement savings to cover the tab.

Add in factors like losing a partner’s income or accrued medical debt, and it can all feel financially overwhelming just when people are least emotionally equipped to handle it.

To help, companies can chip in directly: New York Life’s emergency assistance fund, for instance, now includes death of a loved one as a qualifying event, providing grant money for funerals.

Companies can also steer employees to more financial help, such as explaining how to apply for Social Security survivor benefits.

To hunt for help by zip code, check out this resource guide here. Specialist firms like Empathy can also help people navigate what can be a complicated and confusing process.

EXPAND DEFINITIONS

Most bereavement policies apply to the loss of immediate family members. But what if it involves someone who falls outside of that definition? A longtime pet, for instance, or a best friend?

If a company is truly empathetic about loss, it should let you decide what a “loved one” truly means. If employees feel truly supported in their darkest hour, that will pay off for everyone.

“We all go through loss in our lives, and the more we talk about it, the less stigmatized it becomes,” Kearns says. “It’s okay to be not okay.”